Love love love love

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Sometimes I just stare at you both. A little longer than normal. I watch you eating, playing, making each other laugh.

I really do feel so lucky.

I wonder what it must be like being a 3 year old again. The taste of lunch made by "my mom", playing with school friends.

My little monkeys.

The weather is FINALLY nice, and we are able to enjoy the outside. We have been spending a lot of time in Pavel's "New Ride" (new stroller), trying to get some fresh air and play with some kids at the park.

Sasha still is a pain when it comes to eating. He is eating solids pretty consistently though, so that's great. I think I may be making a breakthrough when it comes to him drinking some formula!!! (I totally just jinxed myself, it's been literally not even a day and I think maybe it's working)
His sleep is crap. Waking up so often. So, I'm starting from scratch with sleep training... starting with working on the naps, at home in bed again. It's hard, but I was so adamant with Pavel about this when he was young - he's been a great sleeper.

Crying it out does not work on Sasha. Not at all. Work on the food, work on the naps..

Sasha is a babbling man. I swear he says Mama and Dada to us and he even said Nana right to Nana the other night (I'm pretty sure that was a fluke!)
He's a little wobbly on the legs, but all he wants to do is walk with mommy..

Oh Sasha.. you strong willed, adamantly determined child! You run my show, that's for sure!

And then there's Pavel. Hilarious things come out of this kid's mouth:

"Mommy, am I going to have big boobies like you one day?"

"Mom, I want you to marry me. I do mom, I do!"

"You're the best mom ever mom. I love you. You're so pretty" (Usually followed up with some sort of request for a treat!)

We've taken Pavel to the driving range a few times.. kid loves his golf. He hits the balls over the fence in the backyard so Sheldon has banned him from playing back there which has devastated him. I think we're going to get him a net so he can keep playing. I'm sure he's better than me!

We have a Mother's Day tea at school tomorrow. Very special.. lol I can't wait.

Pavel started Ball Hockey two weeks ago. Hilarious. I'm very proud of him as he just jumped on the field (is that what you call it???) with the team and went for it. He's usually so nervous with new things. He isn't too interested in actually touching the ball yet. He mostly runs with the pack and does this hilarious slow jog. There is a lot of waving in the stands. But he's there.. and the last 3 seconds of the last game he even touched the ball and did some stick handling! (If you knew my kid, well, he sleeps with his hockey stick. He's stick handling day and night. He's playing on the driveway, basement.. wherever he can.. so it's funny to see him so the exact opposite when he plays!)

Before hockey started Pavel would say:

"Ah mom, I'm sorry.. I'm actually not feeling very good. I don't think I can play ball hockey"  - this was 2 months before it even started.
And then:

"Mom, I've got some bad news.. I lost my stick. The one you and daddy got me. I'm sorry, I guess I can't play ball hockey."

So, I sat down and asked him what was going on.. he was worried about being checked into the boards or someone fighting him! Well, that's what we get for letting him watch NHL. Poor kid. I found some youtube videos of kids playing and let him watch those.. after that, he was excited!

I'm in child care hell right now. I need about 2.5 times more than what I have right now. It is SO hard to find reliable child care.. and help that won't quit on you! I've actually employed an agency to help me find a nanny. They give a one year guarantee. It's not cheap, but I'm desperate at this point for more help. The girl I have come over now is amazing. If only she could come everyday! (only 11 hours a week :( )
The whole point of me having my own business is so that I can have flexible days and nights. I can come home and pick Pavel up from school.. be home by 3pm. Run in and out of the house when I need to.. have lunch with them. This is my ideal.. we can afford it - it's just trying to make it happen!!

Hopefully soon.. oh the joys!

J

The Truth

Sunday, May 5, 2013

I'm struggling. But I'm trying. I'm trying really hard.

Or maybe I'm not. I'm at the point now where I just tune out crying. I tune out a 3 year old whining for something I said he can't have 15 times already. I'm just SO annoyed.

I don't have the patience to explain it again. To ask you to wait another few minutes.

I don't know why you're crying. Why you won't eat. Why you nurse for 30 seconds and then stop. Why you won't drink forumla.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough to fix the problem.

Leaving the house is my saving grace. Just a few hours a day.

It's been a long time since I've had a good night's sleep. It's been a long time since I've had more than three or four hours in a row. Since July in fact.

It's been a long time since my hormones have been back to normal. Almost two years since my last period. Come on period. Come back. (as if I ever thought I'd be asking for that..)

My little one doesn't sleep at night. I can't help but think that he's hungry since he doesn't eat much all day.. so I let him wake as many times as he needs.. not that sleep training would work on him. Or maybe it would. I'm confused.

Please don't tell me I'm embarrassing.  Please don't tell me I could do something about it. Please also don't tell me that I have nothing to be upset about.. and that a lot of people have a life worse off than me.

I'm not complaining about my life. I am blessed in so many ways. I know that. I mean that.

Can we not separate "feeling sorry for ourselves" and "feeling lost, tired, irritable, and exhausted"?

I haven't had a day to myself since July. I don't get to sleep in hotel rooms or go to other cities for a "break" for work.

I need a break. I need child care. I need to find an electrician to fix the lights. The plumber came last week. I need to get groceries. Why is Sasha crying? Why won't he eat.

I'm tired.

I'm sorry for throwing a bottle at daddy's head. I'd probably do it again.

Life with Kids - Quick Update

Sunday, March 10, 2013

I love my little journal that I have here for the boys.. and I thank you all (hundreds of you! :) for reading.. especially when I don't have much of real substance to share.

I'm really loving my family.

Pavel just loves to play with Sasha. Is always trying to make him laugh. Pavel has such a big heart and loves to joke. He reminds me of his Jaja.

Right now he's told me that he's afraid to play on a team - a ball hockey team more specifically.
He doesn't want to get pushed into the boards. I've tried to explain that no one will push him at hockey, but because all he sees is NHL.. well, I can't really blame him for not being excited to play!

Daddy's New Fav Pic of Pavel

He is on a roll telling me that I'm "his Best Mom" lately. That he loves me so much. Whoever has told him to say this to me - thank you.

At Alyssa's Bowling Bday Party with the School Kids

I feel like we're turning an independence corner with Pav. He now fully gets dressed (including socks, way to go kid!) and brushes his own teeth (I do a second look of course). The other night I told him to go get a brush and I'd comb his hair after his bath. He came downstairs and had combed his hair himself. He did a half decent job too!

As much as I was leery about the cost of his school, and the pressure I felt when he first started going, it's crazy how much he is learning. He came home a few weeks ago and said:

"Mom, did you know in the rainforest, the farmers came and chopped down all the trees. The birds and animals didn't have any place to live.. and that's called extinction."
What?? ya.. I laughed.

He's always trying to freeze water to ice in the bucket in his bathtub.

He said "Ne Hao" to our Chinese pediatrician a few weeks after Chinese New Year..

He's hilarious.

Sasha - well, he's a tough cookie. He is so strong willed! Right now he's on a no eating kick. Besides only wanting to eat from mommy, he is now refusing solids. He barely eats 2 tablespoons of rice cereal a day. No purees. He was eating them for a while, but now, nope. He does love toast.. and most things off of my plate though. He's just so small to be giving finger food to! I guess not.

Hey mom, you think I'm drinking this but NO WAY.  Just chewing.. Ha!

He's constantly grabbing my hands and pulling himself up, he wants to walk around and keeps trying to let go of my hands - kid.. you're 7 months old. Chill! lol

At least he's still my snuggle bug at night...hehe, well he's sleeping, so what else do I expect.

Loving you boys!

Mommy

Thanks Son

Saturday, March 2, 2013

"Hey mom! Mom! I see your big bum! Nice bum mom!*

Hey mom! Don't break anything with your big bum mom!!!

hahahahahahahahahahaha"


- This morning as I ran downstairs in my jammie top and undies to grab Pavel some milk.

Thanks son!

So. Sleepy.

This mommy needs a sleep break. One, 24 hour period where I don't have to do a thing. Not answer any questions about how to make dinner or do laundry or bath someone (common sense says.. you'd find a way if I wasn't here to answer your questions!).. 24 hours to only lift my arms to read and eat and pay for my spa treatments.
I want uninterrupted sleep. I deserve this right? It's been 32 weeks of not having a good night's sleep. It gets better, then it gets worse. Right now we're at the "it's worse" stage.
(Five times last night.. whaaaa? Sasha.. eat, okay? During the day, not at night when you're sleeping and I trick you into eating.. or you trick me into thinking I'm tricking you - wait, I think that's probably it.)

I told myself months ago I was going to fake having the flu.. I seriously just haven't gotten around to it! I'm going to do it though (Sheldon, if you're reading this, stop now.. don't mess up my plan of you taking care of me like I'm a baby while I'm "sick"). Okay.. before the end of March - somehow I'm getting 24 hours to myself!!!!!!!!

Or maybe in April. That's more like it.

Jenny

Sweet Sash

Saturday, February 16, 2013

Dear Sasha,

You are almost seven months old. A few days shy! Time has gone by fast, but at the same time, not at all. I am enjoying these moments of you growing and changing, we're having more fun each and every day.

I have to say that this age may be my favourite age. You are always so happy to see me, you light right up when daddy comes home, you love your brother, (you can't move away from one spot! Ha), and you are oh so curious.

People always talk about their children and their different personalities. I really didn't know what they meant up until a few months ago. Wow, you are so different than your brother was at this age!

First of all, you are tough. Not that Pavel was not tough, but you get bonked a little more than Pavel did or does, and you rarely cry. Maybe a deep breath and a sigh, like you're saying "Oh brother, you just wait until I can move from this spot and tell mom that I was just 'looking for my puck' when I push you off your favourite pillow!", but rarely tears.

 You are quite intense. You want everything that brother or mommy does. If you can't reach it, you'll leap for it, or grab it right from our hands! You want to stand, always. You want to walk even. If I just hold your hands up, you'll start taking steps. Today I fed you some toast. Dry toast, but you just picked it right up and started chewing. I can't put you near my lap when I'm eating or everything on the table goes flying until it's in your grasp!

The boys with your two babies - both named Hattrick!

Pavel makes you laugh. He loves to be right in your face and this drives mommy CRAZY, but you seem to like it. He tickles your belly, or jumps up and scares you and you laugh and laugh. It's the best when you're both in bed at night, each yammering away to yourselves.. sounds like you're talking to each other about some fantastic plan you think you can get away with behind mom and dad's backs.. soon enough, soon enough. I have a feeling you may be a little mischievous boy, my little lip biter. Is that why you're alway biting your bottom lip? Creating your next master plan?

I feel bad that you and I don't get to spend as much alone time together as Pavel and I did. That's obviously never going to happen, but I try my best to squeeze it in. Perhaps that's why I've squished you in your bassinet by me for so long.. just the odd night now, but I like having you close at night time. I love your snuggles.

Have I mentioned yet how much you like to talk? Oh boy, mom and dad are in for it when the words start flying from your mouth. Two chatty Cathys.. just our luck. We'll never get a word in edge wise. :)

Happy almost seven month birthday sweet son. You are such a joy to have in our family. The perfect addition. Mom and dad are pretty lucky to have two sons like we do.

Love you,

Mommy

Ps. Sorry I fed you sweet potatoes and peas and you were so disgusted you gagged numerous times and then threw up all over yourself. Sorry. We'll try again tomorrow. Hehehe.

First bath together.. you look like you think I'm crazy putting you in there with him!!

Pavel's two favourite things... his baseball, and you!

Someone loves to hold you right now, you, not so much!

Bros...

Oilers Adventure

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

Today I saw the world through the eyes of my three year old boy. A boy who has no clue what a lockout is or that there even was one.

For all he knows, the Oilers have been golfing for a very long time.

Yesterday I let Pavel know that him, Sasha and I would be heading to the Oilers training camp practice today. He seemed quite thrilled that it was finally time to watch hockey again. I had no clue.

When he woke up this morning, he ran into my room and woke Sasha and I up by yelling:

"Mom!! Let's to to the Oilers game, get up, let's go!"

By the time I rubbed the sleep sand out of my eyes, the kid already had his jammies off and was in his closet trying to find his "dark" Oilers jersey. (This is the same kid who says he doesn't know how to dress himself.. bet he's going to be sad that he revealed the truth to mom today!!)

After breakfast we hopped in the car and headed on what I think must have seemed like the longest ride ever for him. He asked me at least 13 times if we were at the Oilers game yet.

Walking into Rexall, the ushers gave us packs of hockey cards. Pavel later proclaimed to me:

 "Mom, that sure was a nice man who gave me the hockey cards, hey mom?"

Pavel of course had to bring a hockey stick and puck with him as he insisted that he was going to get to play today. He was the talk of the popcorn line with all his Oilers chants and cheers while practicing his stick handling.

Pavel and Dylan

Just sitting in the stands was hilarious. Watching him, as he sat there with his bag of popcorn, watching the team, cheering, smiling from ear to ear.. shoveling that popcorn into his mouth. Just so happy. So purely happy to be experiencing those moments. 

We've taken Pavel to four or fives actual games in the last few years. I can remember once last year, one of my friends that worked for the team let us stand a few feet away from where the players come out of the dressing room. It was just Pavel and I standing there, I was crouched down with him looking up at those giant hockey players. Dressed in orange and blue. Taller than tall with their skates giving them some extra height. Fans cheering.

It was exciting. He was excited. His excitement... it was contagious.

Pavel loves hockey. He loves sports. He thinks one day he'll play in the NHL or on the PGA or in the MLB - who knows what he'll put his mind to, but for now, he can enjoy the simplicity of it all.

It was such an awesome mommy day. Treating him to something so special that made him so happy. As we walked back to the car, there was only one moment of sadness for my little man.

"Mom! Taylor (Hall) didn't get a chance to see me!" His bestie missed out.

-Jenny

Kid's never stood a chance!