Sunday, January 31, 2010

So... This is what I look like hey?

Cool mom thing... or not so cool mom thing?
I can basically tell how my day is going to be on how much effort my ponytail takes. One minute or less, great day, three mins or less, not bad.. over three.. well I should have just had a damn shower and started from scratch.

The gravy train has officially stopped. So much for the pregnancy weight just dropping off. I'm stuck with 9 pounds left over that are going to require effort. UGH.

After being checked over at my three month appointment with my family Doctor he asked if I had any questions. The conversation went like this: (Oh, my Doc is a young male in his late thirties. Note to self, do not have a young male doctor. Awkward! I look forward to telling you about another conversation with him, while pregnant, that started like this 'So, I'm probably going to cry because I'm reading this really sad book...'**)

Me: So, how am I doing on the weight side of things?
Dr.: Oh, good, coming along nicely
Me: So compared to other pregnant ladies though, how am I?
Dr.: Oh good, yup, doing really good
Me: Okay, seriously I know you are avoiding answering me (and eye contact weirdly enough), am I putting on too much weight too fast?
Dr.: (married doctor who knows better than this..) Umm, yes. Maybe a little. Yes.
Me: Tears


Watching the scale go up and up and UP during pregnancy was one of the hardest parts of the whole miraculous event. You stress out because you have no clue how much is actual fat that is sticking to your bones, and how much is water, blood, boobs, baby, yadda yadda. If I would have known that only two weeks after I had Pavel, I would have lost 2/3 of the weight, I probably would have allowed myself more Capital Dogs this summer at the ballpark. Or ice cream, or those spring rolls, OH those meatballs were soooo good!!!.....

I had Pavel at 225pm on a Wednesday. I can remember looking in the mirror the next morning and being so impressed at how skinny I was! I thought people were going to come to visit us and tell me I looked like a rail!

(This is me 41 weeks pregnant. Two days before Pavs was born. This is me the day after he was born thinking I was all skinny n ...... look at those cankles!! And chins!!)

I was so excited to be able to wear normal clothes again, I sent Sheldon shopping on Sunday (four days after giving birth) to buy me new clothes. Mainly pants with a zipper and button. That was a happy, happy day even if the size was much much higher than I was used to just a year earlier.

So now it's been almost three months since the little guy has made his exit from me onto the planet. I can do up those new pants I got on that Sunday and they are actually loose on me! However, my body is jiggly all over. My belly decided to grow stretch marks in the last two weeks of my pregnancy, damn it! I can fit into my prepreggo jeans and do them up, but I have a sick muffin top that hangs over them.

The worst part is, I am so out of shape. I don't think I have an ounce of muscle on my body right now. I tried Jillian Micheal's 30 Day Shred. I did one workout and caught the flu. I was so nauseous and was having hot/cold flashes all night. Not to mention doing jumping jacks with giant breastfeeding boobs is one of the scariest workouts I've ever tried. And it hurts.

Gross! That's how I feel. So gross. I just want to run out of this body, but I can't bring myself to run. Who has the time to go to the gym? Such a pain in the flat ass.

Here's the problem. Pavel is now more than 14 pounds. His car seat is an extra 60, I swear. My back hurts so bad. It's painful for me to carry and cuddle my little son. I need to get some muscle back because it makes me really sad. Mother Nature's way of getting your ass off the couch and your hand out of the peanut butter cookie jar? Maybe.

Looks like there isn't going to be an easy way out of this one.... to be continued.

In case you wanted a closer look at my sweet pregnancy feet. I ate a handfull of salt and vinegar chips one night before I had a weigh-in at the Dr.'s office. When the nurse weighed me, I had put on 8 pounds from the last WEEK!  Retained a tad bit of water.. yup.

** I love my doctor, even though he's young and male. I just see someone else when I have something weird to ask about! Oh and I should put a shout out to my delivery Doc, Dr. Chua. LOVE HIM!!!

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Bachelor Break Take Three...

Sorry for the late post.. crying baby!! :)

Ali!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Officially, Ali is dead to us.
What the heck! Okay... this is a little, no a lot overboard.  She is scaring me!  And why, why does she have to drag little sweet Tenley into her web of anger management? Honestly, I'm sure the girls are bored silly and it's just way to easy to focus one annoying person all day long,  (It's either that or sing Kumbaya with raccoons for the eighth time.) but she is totally ruining her shot with Jake.
In fact, if she has this 'heated conversation' with him she was telling Tenley about, then she's done for sure. Anyone else notice she is ALWAYS in yellow? Looks good on her for sure, but what happened to good old black every once in a while??

Does anyone feel sorry for Vienna? Admittedly, I don't like her nearly as much as I did last week. In fact, I may not really like her at all anymore. (her hair extensions look way better curled than straight no?) Jake may say he isn't being affected by what the girls say, but he is and so is she. She is acting different and is always on the defense. Although she hasn't been booted yet, the rest of the girls have ruined her shot with him, they did succeed.  It's too awkward now.  And she has this annoying creepy crush stare she tries to give him every time they are around each other. Trying to force a connection, or see if his is still there.
I just feel bad for her family who has to listen to every girl rag on her.**  It's gotta be tough and I bet Vienna has a whole Italian (is she even Italian?) gang of b*tches who will hunt these girls after the show is over and throw pasta sauce in their faces. In fact, I bet Vienna has the cast of Jersey Shore already on standby.
**( I know my friends were crawling through their skin listening to the radio stations and to all these crazy strangers from Edmonton talk about me... you aren't allowed to say a thing though, not till the show is over. One of the hardest things I've ever had to endure)

Ummm Ashleigh, great shoes (seriously great. Noted Gucci and Manolo by my girlfriends) but maybe you want to invest in a slightly longer pantssuit if you're going to be all up on Jake with your butt cheeks hanging out. She showed her entire hand last night and she still lost. Bad strategy with Mr. Morals.

Wow did Kathryn ever go serious bitch on him. Like they've been dating for years and he just picked his mom's side in an argument and left her to die slowly on her own or something.. Yikes! 'Big mistake'.. I think not.

Gia.  Okay, she really grew on me last night. She is so sweet and fun! Oh wait, I just remembered the hide and seek. What the hell! Could this show get any cheesier? I'm sure it will actually.. but the worst hide and seek playing field ever! They are really cute together. Gia and Tenley in the top two. If one of her lips doesn't explode when he is kissing her on the hometown date that is.

This is the problem for me: Every time Jake goes on a date alone with these girls, I think they are the perfect couple!  I don't think this has happened on other shows for me.  I'm still sticking with Tenley though, and here's why - Jake is still way too nice. He cries, he says he's proud of you, he lets crazies kiss him...  Ali, Gia, Corey.. they are all going to get bored once they've won. The cloud will lift and they will realize he is way too easy for them. Right now the whole competition factor still remains and this makes up for the fact that he is a total cheeseball.
Tenley is actually that sweet too! She is beautiful and I think she would really live happily ever after with him. He's stupid not to pick her.

Things that annoy me:
- Him riding that motorcycle everywhere.  I still can't believe he made Ali ride on the back of it in her short yellow bridesmaid dress
- Jessie's green eyeshadow
- Crying
- 'On the Wings of Love....' playing in the background of every scene!! Sorry if it's stuck in your head now.


* I'm distracted. Sorry. Pavel is sitting next to me and I'm trying to keep him entertained. I tried singing to him, but he laughs his ass off when I do. It's pretty cute, but probably doesn't boast well for me and a future career in musical theater.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Bachelor Break Take Two

Another week of our smutty mindless show.. here are my thoughts:

Okay.. Did I miss something? I must have missed something. When did we all get this hate on for Vienna? Why did we get this hate on? I LIKE Vienna!! I'll admit, I didn't on the first show, but she has totally grown on me in a she's his type kinda gal.
What a date. What a terrifying date. This is now the only time I'm glad I got to go bowling and to a pool party and whatever other lame ass dates we went on.  I could never bungee jump, ever. Honestly.. it had to have been a turn off for her that she had to hold him while he cried up there. Don't guys have a rule that they have to at least fake being tough and protect the girl?? Watching that was terrible. I wanted to run back to the helicopter and head straight home for her.. yuck.

The girls are making huge mistakes here. Especially Ali. I really like Ali, but her being opinionated and the leader of the gang makes her come across jealous. Very jealous. It happened to me too. I had a lot to say about everything (surprise, surprise). It made for great tv and I got a lot of air time, but I looked sooooo jealous! (In case you forgot, my guy didn't have a job and was an alcoholic. Nothing to be jealous over) Okay, I was a little jealous and I'm sure Ali is too, but not to the extent we all think.  At this point in the game, it's a bruised ego thing rather than a love thing.
I never have really understood this 'If you like her I don't know how you could possibly like me' thing anyway.
The girls are all starting to become really mean to Vienna. She apologized, get over it. She went and got her alone time, get over it. Get off your ass and get your own! It seems to me that Jake is getting pretty fed up as well.

Oh Michelle. You are the greatest duck mouth kisser I have ever seen. Her lips wrapped around his lips that were all jammed in there.. GROSS! It lasted forever too! Couldn't you just read his mind?
'Please, dear Lord, please, I would do anything to have lightening strike us right now so I don't have to kiss her or tell this crazy lady that YES it would be extremely awkward for you to ask to kiss me!!!!'(For some reason I'm reading this in a Forrest Gump accent in my head)
Asking to kiss someone is right up there with writing notes in tiny little printing and reading them out loud. And depending on the situation, it's waaaaaaay worse. Glad she's gone, but I'm going to miss all the cut-aways to her crazy death stare.

How much plastic surgery has Gia had? My serious guess is at least 8 different procedures. Cheeks, lips, nose (oh excuse me, deviated septum), chin, tatooed makeup with extra makeup on top, nose again, lip injection refill and boobs.  Can't forget the hair extensions that have thrown up all over her head.

Check ya later Elizabeth. Boo Ja.

Ella. Boring. So boooooooring. Reminds me of the weird looking, really sweet girl from Jason's season. The one with the son.

Here's the thing - You can't fly a girl's kid to join you on a date and then not give her a rose. You can't ask a girl to jump off a bridge with you and hold your little hand while you cry, and not give her a rose.  This guy has got to get a backbone or we will be watching this show for a very long time. I think next week's the week.

(This is my official Bachelor shot. The one he'd look at to decide our fate at each rose ceremony.  Think I could have sucked it in anymore?)

Ps. 'I'm so proud of you... Cheers!' GROSS!!!!!!

  PPs. Feel free to post your comments whether you agree or disagree! I'd love to hear them!

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Who Am I?

Cool mom thing or not so cool mom thing?
Most of the time, I have no idea what day of the week it is.

I have to admit that this year, I couldn't wait for the Holidays to be over. I LOVE Christmas, it's my favorite time of year always.  This year I had all my family together at my house and it was just perfect. In the back of my head though, I just kept telling myself to make it through to January 1st, because then 'things would go back to normal'.

I'm not sure what in my head had me thinking that I would have my old life back once people took down their Christmas trees, but I was convinced.

I think that what I'm feeling is pretty normal for a first time mom, but some days I really find myself wondering who the heck I am and what happened to the old me.  Not always in a bad way, but sometimes for sure.

I'm a good mom - This actually surprised me.  I had never changed a diaper before I had Pavel. In fact, I had to have the nurse in the hospital come in at five in the morning and show me how to change my first one.  It's amazing how you just instinctively know what to do. My friends who don't have babies yet have said 'How do you know what you're doing!?!?' I don't know! I mean, I read a lot now, but somehow you just do it.

Sometimes I'm not a good mom - The silliest things. I leave his dirty diaper too long, he's screaming to be fed and I can't figure out why he won't be quiet (when it's so obvious once he gets on that boob), I bonked his head with my iPhone... I feel so guilty. I just feel so guilty.

I'm not very smart - Pregnancy brain. It's real and it does exist. I don't want to tell you how many times I got lost driving home from work this summer. (The Oilers office to my condo was about 20 blocks, straight down one road)  Or how I needed to write myself a list of tasks that had to be completed every night at work to remember them.  They were the same every night, but I needed that list. 
I thought I read somewhere that when the baby pops out, your brain pops back in.  My friend and I who just had a baby as well decided to hit up strollercize for the first time this week. An early class which made it even more stressful to pack up the cars, feed the babies, and get ourselves ready and go.  We arrived at the gym after the two hour preparation ordeal and she goes 'Crap, where are my runners?' I look at her and shake my head - 'I forgot mine too'.

I'm insecure - I've been insecure in my life, plenty of times. I've taken risks and stepped out of my 'box' time and time again. It never gets easier.  This is the greatest blind adventure of my life. The problem is, while I'm finding my feet as a mom, it's making me insecure in the rest of my life.  I'm sensitive to my friends and family, to their comments and their behavior.  I cry easy. (Okay, I did before too) I'm becoming a loner.  I don't have anything to talk about.  I actually have to save up conversation topics to share with my husband because I want to be able to contribute more than just baby talk.  This one is throwing me for a loop, I want my confidence back.

I love changing diapers! - I want to know what's in those suckers. I beg Sheldon to change the early am diaper so I can have three minutes of uninterrupted sleep alone, but I end up laying in bed asking him questions about the poop!! I think only other moms will understand this behavior.

I'm easily pleased - Take back those diamonds, trips or an entire day laying in bed with a good book. I'll take a long hot shower, a trip alone to Walmart so I can sit in the parking lot, text message and listen to loud music, or the whole bed to myself for three minutes. Oh and I can't forget a sunny, warm day so Pavel and I can go for a walk around the block.

I'm in love with two men- I am so in love. So, so, so in love. I could stare at Pavel all day long. I love breastfeeding. I love taking him shopping and getting his advice on shoes. I love when he talks to me on his change table and laughs at his daddy.  I love his hair, I love his lips. I love when he snuggles the nape of my neck.

So I guess this is my warning to you if you are about to become a parent... Know that you'll be a good mom some days and a not so good mom others.  People will call you 'pretty' when your brain isn't all there. You may be plagued with an insecurity that will turn your world upside down.  Your fascination with poop will gross out your single friends.  Christmas and birthday gifts will include time in a Walmart parking lot. And most importantly, who needs the old you when this overwhelming love myth that you've heard about for so long is true.


Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Bachelor Break Take One

I'm taking a break from my regular scheduled blog to bring you my thoughts on The Bachelor. As you can imagine, I'm quite opinionated on the subject and thought I'd share.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Trend Setter

Cool mom thing... or not so cool mom thing?
I had to start packing up Pavel's clothes this week.  The ones he's outgrown already.  I spent time with every piece reminiscing the smaller times, hugging it like Pavel was still wearing it, and I even shed more than a few tears.

I thought he was pulling my leg, trying to get a rise out of me.  One of those dad things or even just one of those Sheldon things. (Sheldon is my husband)
'I don't know why you're buying him all those clothes, the only thing my son will be wearing is hockey jerseys and jeans, just like I did.'

Hockey jerseys? Like we will be the family with the kids wearing Oilers gear everywhere we go? I don't think so.  Besides, I married a man who is more into fashion than myself.  That doesn't make sense. (For the record, I love the Oilers, but a kid has got to have a little variety in the wardrobe! Like a jersey and dress shoes would not work for church on Sundays...)

There was a strict rule during my pregnancy that rang in my ear every time I hit up the shops for some new gear for Pavel. 'NO AMINALS. NO PLANES. NO CARS. Please, do not buy him 'baby clothes''. He was serious because he made me return a six dollar sleeper to Super Store that had one car on the sleeve. It couldn't even be saved for an extra poopy day. (this mentality of course changed when we both realized Pavel would be sleeping naked if we didn't bend our rule slightly)

One of my favorite too proud mother stories is from my husband's mom. 'Did you know when Sheldon was young, I went into his room and he had his entire closet thrown on his bedroom floor! He was standing in front of the mirror trying on outfits. He was only three years old!!'

Cute. So why does my son get stuck wearing nothing but hockey jerseys?

Well, Pavel and Santa must have had a serious sit down this holiday season because he's not going to be one of those boys decked out in Oilers gear all the time after all....

... Nope. The Man in Red brought him about ten different teams and football too.  Awesome!

And now I have to admit, I should have known jerseys and jeans wouldn't be what I had in mind when it came to Sheldon dressing his son. Have a peek:

Looking good kid, looking good. 


Ps. For those of you wondering, the hair dryer noise is still kind of working.  We're getting one, maybe two 45 mins naps a day.  It's a start and I'll take it.  If you're in my situation, the white noise App on the iPhone is really great.  It allows you to take nap time on the road!

Friday, January 1, 2010

He's Advanced.

Cool mom thing... or not so cool mom thing? My son rolled over three times on New Years Day. I'm quite proud and amazed of my seven week old!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Moms and Dads unite, parents-to-be too. Judging me yet?

We've let Pavel use a soother since his first week home.
I said I wouldn't, but I do let him sleep in bed with us after his early morning feed.
I haven't lost all my pregnancy weight and I'm not on a diet. (Is that cellulite on my ARM?)

What about now?

I plan on breastfeeding until he's at least four years old....*
Okay, I don't actually, but I got you there, you have to admit.

Why do we become so judgmental when we become or are about to become parents? We all judge and we are all now being judged for something we know little about. A blind learning process with no gps system to guide us through. Maybe we are justified because no one can actually tell us with 100% certainty that what we are doing is wrong and what you are doing is right? (In 98% of cases anyway)

I will admit that I have been a judger of parents, long before I ever became one myself:

The Mini-Van. Gross. Yuck. Never Ever EVER. Say the word and I instantly smell stale, smooshed French Fries that are permanently engraved in the seats of your Mom Ride. Gross.

The Mom Haircut. As short as possible, shave it bald if you can. Make sure those bangs won't need to be trimmed for months.. a little shorter please.

Mom Jeans! Longest waist to crotch ratio available in denim, elastic waist, and pleats.
(click here for a preview)

I'll respond to my old self like this: Do you know just how much stuff you have to carry around for your baby who is constantly pulling your greasy long hair that hasn't been washed in nearly a week and smells like sweet smelling puke? The same smell you'll find actually on your only pair of jeans that will fit your long, jiggly, postpartum ass? A lot. And it would be really handy if when your hands are full of it all, you could simply press a button and the car doors would slide open so you can chuck everything inside before he starts crying again.

Somewhere over the course of my pregnancy, I became much more mellow with my opinions and my reaction to others. Maybe it's called maturity, but I happen to think it's Mother Nature's way of preparing you for what's ahead.

I really want to call up my friends and say 'He rolled over!! Three times! He's only seven weeks, can you believe it? Wow, he is just sooo advanced.'

I'm a proud mom, I can't help it and luckily I do have a certain group of people who will jump up and down with me in excitement and leave their judgment at the door. Thank goodness because I have a feeling the next few years will feel like we are living on a trampoline.


* Breastfeeding is one of the most rewarding experiences that I have ever had in my entire life. I can't imagine the last day I have that time with my son. For all of you who plan on breastfeeding your little one for years, or those of you who are still being breastfed by your mother, all the power to you. I wish I had the commitment and I can see the appeal.

Nap Time for Pavel... Maybe.

Cool mom thing...or not so cool mom thing?
I dropped one of my hot rollers in the toilet while frantically getting ready before the little one started crying again.... and still used it. *

I remember being pregnant and saying to myself (and honestly believing it) - 'Why do babies cry? I can't picture a baby crying all the time, I'm pretty sure my son isn't going to be one of those crying babies.' It really puzzled me for a major part of my pregnancy.

I also said - 'I don't understand why moms say I don't even have time to shower. I don't get it, how can you be so busy that you can't shower? I'm sure I'll be taking baths and relaxing as my ever so quiet baby coos in his bassinet for the fourth hour in a row.'

Did I mention I'm sitting here listening to the sound of a blow dryer on my ipod at full blast while I type this? At least he's not crying... for now.

It's been seven weeks since my son, Pavel was born. This weeks' adventure has been trying to get him to nap. I had an epiphany this week when I said to myself for the 56th time - 'wow, Pavel never sleeps during the day, no wonder he sleeps almost all night long..' as my mother and I took turns running laps around the kitchen island with Pavel trying to calm his screaming. Bouncing, swinging, singing, Christmas carols at full blast...

Maybe he's tired! I know I'm tired! People always say, sleep when the baby sleeps. Well, he never sleeps, now what?

When you are pregnant people (whether you know them well or not) love to tell you little tidbits of advice. Some are great, some come from love, some you'd hear often from the same people and would come with what my pregnancy hormones interpreted as a silent sneer 'haha haha. Lookout, you're in for it now!!'

'Oh well, you better get your sleep now!!'
'Oh just wait, life as you know it is over. Things are going to change!!'

(I will admit that although I didn't think babies would cry, I did realize the sleep factor)

One piece I did hear a few times and can profess the same to everyone I know is 'It may work today, but it will change tomorrow.'

Today Pavel is sleeping soundly with the blow dryer noise on full blast. If I turn it off or down, even for a second, he will wake up. This is day one of successful nap training. ( I won't tell you how many hours I've spent running back to him and sticking the soother back in his mouth or rocking the bassinet with my foot so I'd stay out of his eyesight. It wasn't until I forced myself to shower, with a crying baby, and blow dry my hair that I witnessed my baby ingest this magical sleep drug)

I feel pretty good right now, quite proud of myself. Let's see what tomorrow (or an hour from now) brings...

*sidebar. The water was clean, okay?