Sunday, March 14, 2010

Boob Envy

Cool mom thing.... or not so cool mom thing... I went bathing suit shopping.

Hey new moms, here's the best piece of free advice you're probably going to get for a long time.
Do NOT Google 'Breasts, post breastfeeding'.
I know you're tempted, so I'll give you a sneak peek into what you may find other mothers saying..

'I'd take your deflated tangerines. Mine are like floppy pancakes.'

Told ya.

Damn boobs. I'm getting really sick of these things.  It's no secret, they were giant to begin with, and now they are even more gigantic-er. They have been for months, no wait, it's been over a year now.

Before I frighten any ladies away from breastfeeding, unfortunately it's being pregnant that will do this to your tangerines not the feeding. (I've said it before, BF is a very cool experience with your baby!) 

I started noticing that something may be up a few weeks ago..
I love catching up on my celebrity gossip everyday, but instead of reading, I was only fascinated by the pictures. 
I have been dreaming of odd clothing items like a spaghetti strapped tank tops or a floor length halter dress. 
For some reason I have such a strong desire to do jumping jacks, cart wheels and I really want to sign up for a 'Learn to Run' mom and baby class. 
Oh and I should warn you, if you have anything less than a D and you see me walking past you and think 'Wow, that girl has a staring problem..' It's true. I do. (Don't worry, I'm a looker not a toucher)

I have total boob envy! I am so jealous, so jealous of you! It actually pisses me off. (Okay, I'm laughing at myself right now, but it's true, you should see my pissed off face as I'm writing this)

I want to go bathing suit shopping and not insult other people in the dressing room areas, is that too much to ask!

It doesn't help that a certain husband of mine said (and not in a mean way I swear, I brought this up and wasn't offended by the comment, just glad he agreed with me) 
'I bet  you'd look 30 pounds lighter if you had a C cup'

It's true!!!!!

I made a commitment to breastfeed (and be Pavel's pillow when he passes out while eating) until he was six months old. I would probably do it longer if I was less endowed. 

There are many sacrifices you make as a mother, this one seems like such a weird one to complain about. 

Coming up... First family vacation! I've already started taking pictures. You can look forward to my step by step directions on how to get a tan at the beach taking care of a baby who is too young for sunscreen and has to stay inside or in the shade. I bet it starts like this:
Step One: Buy self tanner.

Sigh. ;)


Ps. I'm so glad that one piece bathing suits are in right now. I guess working out the week before you leave on your trip isn't enough to get you 'bikini ready' after having a baby.

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