Monday, March 29, 2010

He's a Big Boy.. Take One.

Not so cool mom thing..... Time is going by so fast and no matter what I do, I can't seem to slow it down.

Pavel moved to his own room last night and his own crib. It's the first time we've tried to have him sleep in his crib.
I know he's four months old, but I'm not going to defend why I didn't want to part with him. I still don't actually. I kind of want him to stay small and sleep in my room.. forever.

We've been having some sleep issues lately and I'm not exactly sure why. We were doing so good! (Not sleeping through the night exactly, but only usually one wake up in the night) He has started getting tired really early, so bed time is around 7:30... but then who knows what the rest of the night will tell.

I will admit that things have obviously gotten much better than when he first came home from the hospital. Check out this eat/diaper schedule I kept track of(sleeping was usually in between):
8:30pm -Diaper
9:00pm - Feed
10:45pm - Diaper
11:00pm - Feed
2:00am - Diaper
3:00am - Feed
7:00am - Feed
10:00am - Feed (I think at this point I stopped keeping track of diapers)
12:00pm - Feed
3:00pm - Feed
3:30pm - Diaper
4:00pm - Feed
6:20 pm - Feed
7:15pm - Feed
8:45pm - Feed
Pavel was only three days old, but I just need to take one look at this and I'm instantly thankful for his 'schedule' now. Besides the lack of long stretches of sleep, the continual feeding was really tough!

(This is one of Daddy's favorite photos of the two of us.. both having a nap :)

Fast forward to the last few weeks and you'll find me thinking of every excuse I can not to move him:
It's so convienient for me to just pick him up from his bed next to me and bring him in bed to eat, instead of walking all the way to the next room.
If someone robs us, they may go to his room first and take him!
What if there are ghosts in his room? 
Not to mention the whole 'is he still breathing' thing that hasn't plagued me until last night.
Running through ideas of how I could keep him near me (because let's be honest, if I wanted him in our room longer, Sheldon could easily keep sleeping downstairs on the couch for a few more months..) there tended to be one nagging little voice that I couldn't ignore. 

'He's a boy, he's his own person. He needs his own space, he needs to grow. Your job as a mother is to love him, cuddle him, teach him, and let him go. It's not about you, Jenny, you're doing this for him.'


This is how last night broke down:
7:00pm - bath and bedtime routine
7:30pm - story time and eating
8:00pm - He's asleep, but he's asleep in my bed. Now I have to start the long trek down the hall (three steps) to his room and put him in his crib. I accidentally bonk his head lightly on the back of the crib, he's awake.
8:00pm-8:47pm - He's having a party in his room with the Teddies on his mobile. I don't think there is one toy that brings him greater joy than these little guys. He starts to realize that he's alone and might not be getting out anytime soon, so he starts growling. He eventually falls asleep. (I've checked on him 4 times already)
8:48pm - I go downstairs and give Sheldon the cold shoulder. I'm not sure if I've felt this sad in a really long time. Back upstairs to pout.
10:00pm - He's awake. I run downstairs and tell Sheldon he only slept for an hour.. haha, it's not going to work after all!! Then I remember it's me who will have to get up with him every hour so I revert to the good old swaddle (which he recently started hating),white noise and some more food.** 
10:08pm - He's asleep. I give Sheldon one last glare and then go drown my loneliness in some crappy tv and shed a few tears.
3:33am - What the hell! Why hasn't he woken up yet? Is he alive?? I run over to his room, he is still sound asleep. That's nearly 5.5 hours... not bad, not bad.
4:40am - He's awake. 6.5 hours! It's been a long time since we've had this stretch! I'm wide awake and hungry for a peanut butter sandwich. Pavel wants some milk and back to bed.
7:00am - He's up for the day. 

Okay, I admit, it was a pretty good night. I didn't hear him moving around or any little whines, so I managed to sleep a bit better. I checked on him a grand total of 13 times, and he was still breathing each time, and there were no ghosts hovering above his bed.

I'm full of sadness, but a also a glimmer of excitement at the same time. I love seeing him hit different milestones, I think he does too. I have a feeling this won't be even close to the last time I'm going to have to let go... 


I just tried to put him down for his am nap and he screamed in that dumb crib for 30 mins (with lots of checking on him from mom in between). I took him and moved him in my room in his old bed and he fell asleep in literally three seconds.



*If you have a newborn baby (three months and under) and you're having sleep troubles and not enjoying the witching hours very much, get the book 'Happiest Baby on the Block'. It saved us! I'm telling you, it works and it started working the same day I read it.  Life saver!

** Family holiday post coming, just looking for the cord to download our photos first!

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