Friday, July 16, 2010

We're Fighting.

Cool mom thing.. or not so cool mom thing?
Pavel is only 8 months old, and I already feel unappreciated.

I need to talk this out. I like to talk.. my husband, he's amazing and I love him to bits, but he doesn't always want to listen to me (Hey, remind me to tell you the story about the bald house across the street, and then you may not have much sympathy for me being ignored.. I really like to talk, about anything.)

Back when I was pregnant, I made it clear to Sheldon that just because I was staying at home with the baby everyday, that it didn't make me the full time maid, chef, grocery shopper.... Raising a baby is a full time job, stressful in different ways than a full time 'day job', and I expected that he would pitch in around the house too.

I'm pretty sure he didn't say anything, maybe he just looked at me and nodded? (Now I'm trying to remember if he nodded yes or no, I was probably on to the next 'important' thing I wanted to say)

As time has quickly passed, and life with Pavel has become more natural, I have actually started to think that my life at home should include making my husband's life as easy as possible, so that he doesn't get burnt out at work. But let's just step back for a minute before we get into my last statement.

Everyone always comments how happy Pavel is. How mellow he is, how he plays by himself and is content, he's gentle and loves to laugh and smile once he feels comfortable with his surroundings. He is a chatter box, just like his mom.

Okay. This didn't just happen people.

This momma worked really hard to get us there! Scroll back a few months ago on my blog, and you will remember the crying, screaming baby I had for the first few months. I remember my girls came to pick me up for an escape night at the movies.. they came in to get me and wanted to give Pavs a little snuggle, he was screaming so bad, they were like 'um oh, okay, let's just go..' No snuggles for him.

Getting Pavel to learn to fall asleep on his own, to nap for longer than 45 minutes on the dot, to sleep 12 hours straight, to eat everything and anything we give him.. this was like putting a giant puzzle together. It was work. ( I can hear all you mama's nodding, 'yup I've been there!')

Fast forward to now. I will absolutely admit that I am not excelling in the 'clean house daily' area of my new job description. It's an internal struggle. I hate that it's expected of me. It's expected that I will clean up after my family, every single day. I clean today, tomorrow, I will do it again.
There isn't a thank you or a real notice, because somehow it became my 'job'. What really peevs me, is that now I'm picking up socks, putting dishes in the dishwasher from the table that were not mine, I'm cleaning up after dad's turn to bath the baby.... WHAT?  Now I'm a maid.

My husband made a great point last night:

'How nice for you that you get to have your dream job, but that you don't want to accept the bad parts of the job with the good..'

Point taken. But wait, is this really my job? Is this how it works in your house? I'd like to know. I don't have much of an argument back right now because I've kind of accepted that I should be doing all of this, but should I?

When I try to mention that it's difficult for me because just a year ago, I had a career that paid me money, I was contributing to the family in a way that apparently is more important than how I am now (not my opinion, but what I'm feeling from the opposition). I try to tell him that I feel like sometimes he talks down to me, that he never asks me about my day because.. well, what could I possibly be doing that's important?

In his eyes, I have the best job in the world. He would trade for it in a second (but don't get me wrong, the man is so passionate about his job he says he was 'born to do it', have I mentioned he gets to travel the globe??). I know that he and his friends probably sit around talking about how great our lives are, how easy it would be to be us.
*sidebar, Sheldon is a total hands on daddy. Pavel is very lucky to have him!

What he doesn't sympathize with is that I gave up who I was to do this. I gave up my body, I gave up my career, I gave up my network, I gave up daily adult interaction. Yes, it was my choice and I would do it again in a second, but please.. please just recognize that this isn't as easy as you think it is?

Anyway, we will sort it out. I wouldn't normally feel comfortable sharing an argument like this between us, but I'm sure this has got to be a common thing... So please, share with me how it works in your house. Or how you think it will work in your house when it comes your time to make this transition in life. I love hearing all your thoughts.. (thanks for all the tips on the last blog about going back to work! Oh wait.. will I still be responsible for all of this when I go back to work too? Let's not even go there.. )


Ps. Pavel would like to give a shout out to his two new besties that were born this week! Little Carlitos and baby Madeline! We are going to have so much fun! xo

                                               The bald house.. can you see it?

1 comment:

Michele said...

Jenny Adams! Your blog is terrific with a chuckle guarantee. Glad to see and hear that Motherhood is agreeing with you - even though Pavel is not. I am not a mother, but sometimes "I" too get spitup in my hair (TMI??). Consider me a fan of Shoelace Untied!
Michele McDougall
BT Edmonton