Friday, September 10, 2010

I Feel Sad Today...

Cool mom thing... or not so cool mom thing...
Went on a road trip, just Pavel and I. Had to stop to pee...
How exactly do you go to the washroom on a road trip with a baby!? I'll tell you how.
You don't leave him in the car or hand him off to a stranger. Oh, and a tip, don't wear button fly jeans.
I held him. He was fascinated by the flushing noise, and didn't even seem to notice I left the washroom with my pants fully undone.

Friday nights sure aren't what they used to be. I remember when Friday nights used to signal the end of the week, relaxation, a drink maybe. Now, well the days all blend into one. There really isn't any difference in my Friday, except for a few TV shows I wait all week to see. Doesn't that sound pathetic? I'm writing this blog post because I feel sad tonight, a little lost, but I refuse to sound pathetic!

My favorite part about Friday nights now, are Saturday and Sunday mornings! I love family mornings. We snuggle in bed together and we go on family walks. No tv, no facebook or twitter, I'd like to say no phones, but let's be realistic here. It's our chance to catch up from the week, laugh with our son together, and dream about the future.

I recently just read a blog of a lovely lady I kind of know who dedicated a post to her husband. What a great idea. I'm going to tell you about mine coming up, but first I want to share with you an idea that her and her husband have implemented in their lives.

They have a couples mission statement. I love this idea!

In business, a mission statement is a necessity. It helps guide the actions of the organization, helps define what the overall goals are and provides a sense of direction. It's something you can always flip back to, to ensure you're still on the right page. A mission statement doesn't have to be set in stone, it can absolutely change as the years go on.

So why don't we use this in our lives? Okay, let me be more specific because you smart people who are reading this probably do use something along these lines in your life:
So why don't WE use this in our life?

Do you ever wish you went to school to become a doctor or lawyer or plumber or hearing aid technician?
What I mean is, do you ever wish you went to school to become a specific something, so that when you finished you'd know who you are in life and what you are supposed to accomplish?

Don't we all wish (even the doctors, lawyers, plumbers and HAT's) that it was so simple.

This is one thing I love about my husband. He has a very demanding career. Lots of pressure, lots of travel, a lot of hours, and a lot of satisfaction. I like to check in with him every so often to see if he's hanging in there.
Me: 'Hunny, are you tired? Are you getting burnt out? Is there anything I can do.. maybe you should slow down a bit?'
Him: 'No, I'm fine. I actually couldn't be happier. I was born to do this.'

I was born to do this.

I have to admit that I'm a tad jealous of this. Maybe jealous isn't the right word, I'm not sure what is.. but could you imagine if you woke up everyday and knew with absolute certainty, that this is what you are supposed to be doing?

My husband has this knack for not caring what people think. Now, I know your'e reading this and thinking, 'ya sure, we all say we don't care, but we do...'

No really, he doesn't care. Let me put it another way. I make emotional decisions, he makes decisions without emotions. He does what's best for him and the people he loves, period.

Think about that for a second. How many times have you said to yourself something like this: 'Oh, well I can't ________ because so and so will be annoyed/mad/furious/hurt, so I'll do ______ instead and I won't ruffle any feathers.'

Both ways of deciding have their pros and cons for sure, but there must be something to always putting yourself FIRST.

My husband motivates and inspires me. He is so smart, so ambitious, he understands things that take me much longer to grasp. I love talking through ideas and plans with him.
*Sidebar: I love to plan. Too much actually. My life coach said to me once 'Jenny, it's great to make things happen for yourself in life, but at some point, you just need to let life happen.'*

I'm sure this incessant need to plan life is the one thing that is bringing me down right now because I've never truly been able to plan my life. It's the Universe's little trick on me. (Why didn't I go to Med School!! ;)

Time to cut to the chase:

I've got a great idea. Like really good. It hit me one day a few weeks ago like a tonne of bricks and I haven't been able to calm down since. I need focus, determination, a little courage and to be able to let go for a while to do it.

Or, I can do what I should be doing. The safe route, the route people would agree with, the one that makes sense financially, and looks good on paper.

I love being married. I have many stories of life I love to share, and Sheldon, he's heard them all. I love the way he'll always listen to them again though and respond 'I know Jen.. you've told me that one..' I wish you could hear my tone of voice though, it's not said in annoyance, it's full of love.

There are so many things I love about this stage in life, and always having a rock by my side to keep me propped up is one of them. I know that Sheldon will support me no matter what I decide to do for the next 89 years. He just wants me to have DIRECTION. Put all my energy into one thing, time to get off the fence. I can hear the disappointment in his voice every time I change my mind.

You often hear of couples who get married, have their children, have careers and when they are done blinking, they realize 20 years have gone by and they aren't sure who they are anymore. Who they are personally and who they are as a couple.

I'm planning on avoiding having that conversation in 20 years, I'm going to start working on it now.

First things first, The Mission Statement. Wish me luck!


M.B. I dedicate this blog to you tonight. You have given me the inspiration I have been looking for. I can't tell you what a sense of relief I feel to know what I need to do next!

Dear Pavel,

You will be ten months old tomorrow! Month number nine has been your craziest by far. I can't believe all that you have learned:
- You finally started crawling! Slowly at first, but now you move from room to room and you get into EVERYTHING
- More than that though.. you started walking! We're up to ten steps little man! You should see and hear how proud your mommy is of this.
- You have perfected the clap. 'Clap, clap, clap' is your favorite.
- You were starting to full on wave bye-bye, but have gotten confused, now when we say bye-bye, you clap!
- I swore you've said a few words.. but no one seems to believe me. Bye and ball
-Now you don't just pass the ball back and forth, you throw it back like you mean it!

If I had to use three words to describe your personality right now, they would be:

Determined. Gentle. Observant

I love you!



Pamella said...

I have a feeling you are no longer sad ;) Lovely post. Full of forward motion and peace.

Anonymous said...

You are my beautiful women, mother, friend and wife. Life is different for us now,sure we may have some sad moments but truly the happiest out way them.

The world need more of you Jenny:) Petra

Brittany said...

What a nice post! Very cute family photos :-)