Monday, September 10, 2012


It's 1:23pm. Both boys are napping. Lunch has been had.. It's a gloomy kind of day out.. and I have the shakes. The sugar shakes.

Today is day one of no sugar. I love my treats... I just don't know how to say no. Wish me luck. (I'm writing this post to keep my mind off of treats FYI.. so if it seems like I don't have anything to say, I don't really.)

3 in 1 training
I think raising two kids can be compared to a game of golf. There are bad shots and bad days.. many of them. But then there are wonderful moments and good days.. and they start to get better and better and you think it's your time for the LPGA and then in the change of a club, you suck again. You get frustrated, question your ability, question your sanity and maybe even yell.

I yelled once on the golf course so loud.. it was a total out of body experience after making it on the green in 3 shots (par five) and then 7 putting it. My friends called me out on my erratic behavior, don't worry.

So, I yelled last week at Pavel. In fact, I'm sure I dropped a few F bombs not at him, but in my directional language. I had a bad week. I was stressed. His school started and I was so worried about him peeing his pants at school. He has started the refusal to go to the bathroom stage, even though you can tell by his dancing around he REALLY has to go. Makes it hard to do what we're supposed to be doing when I can't get him to have a single pee.

What's amazing about a little boy who is watching his mom have a crying, fist pounding on the ground moment... is that he took it upon himself to become the parent of what I'm sure appeared to be a 2 year old tantrum.

'Deep breaths mommy, it's okay, deep breaths. You need a hug mommy?'

It snapped me out of it.

Another point of motherhood I simply forgot - Insecurity.

Friday Night Dinner Date
I really feel like I suck at being a mom of two. I'm stressed, I yell, the house is messy.. supper isn't cooked every night. I can't take the crying sometimes - from both of them. My husband is sick and I'm annoyed at HIM because I want help with the kids - not another child to take care of (that's a post for another day, right ladies???)

So then today happened. We woke up, had breakfast and headed out the door. First stop was to bring daddy coffee and breakfast. Then we stopped at CTV to pick up some football tickets from a friend and have a quick visit. Then off to mommy's first attempt at a workout class.

I dropped Pavel off at the daycare for the first time - he was not happy but I bolted out the door. Sasha and I arrived 15 late for the strollercize class. 20 mins later he needed to eat, there was no holding him off (or the glances from the other moms of me leaving the teeny baby to cry while I fit in a few more squats). After he finished eating, I stood up and there in the window was Pavel with the daycare lady. He had huge tears in his eyes and wanted his mommy.
So back I went with them, signed him out of daycare and tried to return to the class for another few minutes before Sasha started to cry again.

Deep breath. So whatever, that sucked but here's what didn't:

Pavel used the potty four times today without putting up a fuss and twice was at the rec centre (Yeah Pavel!!!). We stopped at the park after and I played blocks with Pav as Sasha slept (yes, he went right back to sleep as soon as I left the class!). We came home and had lunch and everyone was nice and happy!! And now I have two sleepers and Pavel is even in his big boy bed.

Did I mention today is a non sugar day? None of us have had sugar, interesting.

Mommy's not stressed. Pavel's not a nightmare, no attitude so far today at all. Sasha.. well, he's never had the sugar, yet.

I'm sure it's not that simple.. but today I'm taking the day in stride. I'm not stressing about the little things because, well they are little things. I'm trying to realize I can't be perfect.. and what's really perfect to my boys is time with a happy mommy. They don't care if the house is clean or if eat tuna sandwiches for dinner again..

It's mornings like today that rejuvenate me. They make me believe I can do it. I can enjoy this, I am getting better at being a mommy. Just like out on that challenging golf course, early in the morning.. you can still smell the dew on the grass - frustration surrounded by beauty, made worth it for those simple glimpses of hard work and practice paying off.

**And I know I've said it before, but if you're struggling to be at home with the baby(ies) like I do.. GET OUT OF THE HOUSE! Do anything. Wash the car, go for a walk, get groceries. I feel like a new person if I just get out of here. It's my number one life saver. That and chocolate - damn it!

Update on the Boys
Sasha will be two months old on Saturday! Nuts! He is getting so big. Was 11 pounds 3 ounces at 5 and a half weeks. Holy crap! Way to go baby Sash! (another nickname from Pavel) Sasha is sleeping like a champ 7-8 hour stretches at night. He puts himself to bed around 7 or 8 though, so by the time I go to bed, I may get 3 or 4.. but hey, I'll take it!
He's smiling a lot and cooing.. he's just so adorable!!!
These are the 'Oh no, here comes big brother!!!' eyes

Pav's first day of school - it went great. He loves it so far. Loves to roll his mat and sing his Hello song. I'm so glad Finn is in his class with him, I think that has made him much more comfortable. He feels very empowered not wearing diapers anymore. I nearly put a pullup on him for his first 3 hour class but at the last minute decided to trust him and his ability. He was great. No accidents! (and no liquid in the two hours before class lol)

Okay.. so that wasted 45 minutes.. now what? Clean the house or something? Nah..


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