Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Motherly Interference

Ya.. I'm that mom.

I'm that mom for a number of good reasons really..

I insist that my children have a story read to them every night.
I spent my Monday night talking to our MLA about proposed schools in the neighbourhood so that the boys don't have to get bused away, only to get home at 445 from school every day.
We eat fruit and veggies with every meal.

I don't know.. basic stuff, that any mom would do because she loves her children...

Remember when you put Vaporub in your hair?
So you'd look like a hockey player??
and I'd like to think that this was one of them.

So Pavel started school in September. For me, it was really stressful. Between potty training and a new schedule and a new baby.. and worrying that people would be mean to Pavel, I was at a near meltdown point.

(in fact, the first full day of school, I was so worried that Pavel would pee his pants, I left school and drove straight to Original Joe's and had a beer. At lunch. There's nothing wrong with that, unless you're that mom who picks up her child at 3pm from play school with beer on her breath. Way to make a good first impression Mommy!)


So plans change and the boy that was to be Pavel's bestie (and his mom mine! I miss you R!!), decided to change to a different school. Which was great for our friend.. the only problem being that now they both missed each other so much - and Pavel now had the task of starting fresh on the friend making scale.


Pavel happily goes to school every day. And every day he talks about his best friend at school, M. And how much he likes M. And wonders if M will be at school that day. That he asked M over for dinner but M was having Chinese and couldn't come.

Problem being.. I'm really not sure that little M, who is an older boy in the class, really had noticed Pavel!

We'd go to the park every day after school and Pavel would run after all the other kids.. mainly M.

Hey M! Hey! I'm here M!

And M would be busy being a boy, playing, talking to his friends that he already knew and having fun.
Not being mean by any chance, just being the cute little sweet boy he is.. just not with Pavel!

Seriously, picture this: So the boys are playing together at the park and Pavel is chasing them around. When they stop, Pav kind of does this little slow motion jog around them, with one elbow bent and kind swinging.. as he says:

Hey guys! Hey!.. what are you doing guys?! Have a good weekend guys!

And they ignore him. Bahhhhhh! I could cry writing this!

So because this is breaking my heart, I maaaaaayyyyyy have emailed the teacher about it.

Yup. That's me. The teacher emailer.

Not to complain, but just to check in on Pavel. To see if he was making any friends without his little buddy who had moved schools. I may have mentioned Pavel's affinity toward M and how it didn't seem like he was being included in the park after school.

Our correspondence:

On another note, just want to check in on Pavel. He seems to really like going to school and I can tell he is learning. He loves to come home and sing and tell us stories. 
I feel so sad because he really seems to like one boy M in his class and after school at the park, M and the other older boys ignore him. It's so heart breaking! I'm sure it's normal and that it happens to a lot of kids, I just hate seeing him trying to join in with the kids and talk to them and have them run away. (Of course it's nothing M is doing, he is just busy playing with his friends and being a boy! :)
Does Pavel have friends in class? I just want him to have fun and feel good.

Thanks so much,


Here is the response I received:

Hi Jenny,

Thanks a lot Jenny and thank you for bringing up the park problem. I will talk to M's Mom – she is wonderful and pretty strict about social behavior with her kids. M is in his second year at school and is one of the big boys. He is very sweet and I guess gets swept off in the boy’s crowd. But I will address this with his mom – she will for sure talk to M.

Pavel is doing really well. Considering that he is not even 3, he is doing great and is really suited to our environment – he is very keen to learn and he participates in everything in his quiet way. He has started on an individualized curriculum He has not yet made a best friend but it is very early days and he is liked by everyone. He is very much part of the group and is very integrated within the whole group.  I’m sure he will find his comfort level and make a good friend very soon. Now that you have brought this up, I will pair him up with one of the  lads in class and I will get M to be his mentor.

Thanks again and take care

I instantly wrote back to ensure that she knew nothing mean was happening.. there was no real problem, just that Pav was trying hard to make friends with no avail.

Thing is, he didn't seem to notice or mind. But I'm sure he would have soon, no? The line '.. he has not yet made a best friend...' kind of got me. I just have images of him doing his little jig in the park, no music playing, no one listening..
Little bro looks up to Pav already!

Since that email, M has become Pavel's mentor and he sure is one happy kid. He spends a lot of time with M and insists that M is his best school friend.

I mean, I do believe it.. I believe that from Pavel's point of view, he has made a friend who likes him very much.

There have been really sweet moments.. like when M waits for Pavel in the parking lot, so they can go in the class together, or when he rolls down the window as he drives away and says 'bye Pavel!'

Pavel was sick and missed a class. When he came back to school the next day, M was there and asked him where he was.. Pavel said ' Hey M! I'm back! Guess what.. I'm back!'

LOL it's quite cute. M is a really sweet, sweet boy.

So, ya. I'm that mom who emailed the teacher.. and helped get her child a friend. A friend he wanted, or believed he had already anyway. I don't know, was that a wrong move? I'm sure this won't be the first time, right? I just want my little guy to be happy.. and I don't know if I can butt out. (Shocker!)

I just couldn't stomach Pavel going to school and not having any friends. Perhaps that's my issue and not his???

It's going to be a long 15 years ahead of us.. :)


Ps. I just have to say how refreshing and how relieved I felt when after school one day we went and had a play date with Pavel's core group of friends - Gaby, Josh, Livy and Dylan. They LOVE him. They LOVE each other. Have so much fun. They are his true friends, without even trying. My boy's a lucky one and a good friend to them.

Pps. When will I EVER learn to go to bed early. I am SO TIRED. Still.

'Baby Sasha - Go To Sleep!' - Pavel and Mommy

Happy Halloween!

My happy boy!

My gf Erin and I rocking our Mos for Movember! Time to get those prostates checked gentlemen! 


Anonymous said...

I have noticed a similar situation at my daughter's preschool! She is in love with 2 girls who are neighbours and therefore were great friends before preschool began. She runs after them at the park, during free time and wants to sit next to them on the bus when we go on field trips. They are not rude to her, but do not return the admiration!! I haven't thought of emailing the teacher, in my mind it is a lesson learned. Not everyone will want to be your best friend and not everyone is suited to be your best friend. From what I can see, she has no close friends as of yet but I'm sure as she goes through her school years she will form those tight friendships. I honestly don't think it bothers 3 and 4 year old children as much as it bothers their mommies :) It totally bothers me, seeing her almost desperate to be included in A and S's little 'group' but it doesn't bother her (yet) and until it does I don't think I'll interfere!

Jenny Adams said...

It's hard to know what to do for sure! And I think you're right.. he didn't seem bothered by it really. He just had a pretend relationship with his 'best friend' and this seemed to be good for him!
These will be lessons I learn along the way.. that's for sure!
Thanks for the comment!