Thursday, October 11, 2012

The Boys - October Update

So hard to believe that little Sasha is nearly three months and Pavel is almost 3 years old!

Sasha has good days and not so great days. He’s still pretty gassy and that makes him mad. That and his stuffy nose from what the doctor says is silent reflux. He hates when mommy comes knocking with the nose sucker, but I must admit.. I kind of get a kick out of getting that snot out of there!! (gross mommy thing, sorry!)

He’s been sleeping like a champ. I can’t complain here.. it started in Calgary 7pm – 5am. What??? Yup. It varies.. as does his bed time, but pretty much 9-10 hour stretches, eats and then goes back down for a few more hours.

Thank you sweet son for that! We are working on his schedule of napping and trying to get in a routine. Not only did I forget how much of a race life feels like with a new baby, but I forgot the importance of being at home for naps.. which is WAY more difficult with two.. and the older one being in school!

I’m getting so many coos and smiles and fun times with my little man, but I seem to be the only one. He is doing better than a few weeks ago though.. so no we just work on the tummy.
Oh and he won’t take a bottle which makes mommy’s freedom, not quite freeing.

My mom was watching him for me the other morning, and he got hungry - there was a bottle of expressed milk in the fridge, and of course he wouldn't take it. So, she went up to my room to grab what she thought was the medicine syringe to get some milk into his tummy.. well, it was actually the nasal aspirator. Yup, the booger sucker-outer fed him milk.

My mom is a very thorough cleaner though.. I'm sure there was no cross contamination!

I think he really likes me. I can tell he's attached to me. He calms when I pick him up and won't for other people. He hears my voice and stops and listens. He talks to me like he's telling me animated stories. Likes mama's snuggles. Yup, I think we're in love. I cherish our alone time. Only because Pavel got all my attention for years.. our moments a few and far between. Probably why he's still sleeping in the bassinet next to me! :)

He just had his 2 month check up.. he was 10 weeks at the time and weighed in at 13 pounds, 4 ounces and 23 inches long. He’s a big boy! 97th percentile for weight and 75th for height. That’s what happens when you have a fussy baby who won’t take a soother.. he gets mama’s boob a lot!

Perhaps a longer post to come to celebrate his birthday coming up.. but he’s been a real treat lately. And yes, I’m being sarcastic.
I’m having a really hard time being patient with him. Sometimes I wonder if I’m made out to be a parent of a nearly 3 year old at the same time as a baby.
I’ve been doing a lot of self reflection.. analyzing my behavior, my reactions.. wondering and researching how I can do better.
I love my life, I love my boys but I wont’ lie.. I’ve uttered the words ‘ I hate this’ a few times recently. That’s so not fair of me and for the life of me, I couldn’t figure out how those words could slip off my tongue.
I think it hit me this weekend.

It’s not being a mother of two boys I hate (thank goodness..).. I hate who I have become because of it. I hate that I’m stressed, that I’m short with Pavel. I hate that he has to spend more time alone than I’d like him too.. as I’m busy with the baby. I hate that he told me.. full of tears, that I wasn’t talking very nicely to him (when actually, this time I was.. I was just trying to get him to have a pee!!) I hate that I can’t figure this out and be good at it NOW. I hate that I can’t control this.
My little rockstar

There, I said it.. B, I can hear your voice in my head.. yes, I’m a control freak.

I compare it to leaving something that you were really, really good at (work), do to something that you really stink at and you can’t control when or it you’re going to get better at it..

But, that’s not really true is it.

There are portions I can control. I’m trying. I promise you my boys, I’m trying to be a better mommy everyday. To play more, have more fun, dance more, cook more, make more messes.. and try not to lose my mind in a messy house. 

Pavel is very particular and it's really hard when I'm trying to tend to the fussy, high needs baby. He likes a particular baseball and puck with him in bed at all times. Sometimes he adds in the toy of the day. If he all of a sudden remembers he can't find what he covets in that moment, he loses it. Then I lose it because I don't understand why it could possibly be so important to freak out over.

Sheldon mentioned casually to me this weekend (after over a year of Pavel and his bedtime toys) that when he was young, he'd get bad anxiety if he couldn't find his special ball/puck/toy, especially when he first woke up.

Well, WHY didn't you tell me that before! Now Pavel's behavior makes a bit more sense and I know to be more sensitive toward it... 

I've noticed that Pavel is his normal sweet angel self if we are out of the house, so we try and get out to do fun things as much as possible. I've also decided that there is no point trying to clean and do laundry during the day when the boys are awake. We don't do anything fun this way, and I'm always trying to keep the place clean when in reality, that's impossible. So from now on, fun and playing.. that's what I'm trying this week!

What Pavel Said:

Mommy: Hey Pavel, if your'e a really good boy, guess where we are going to go for lunch tomorrow after the doctor?
Pavel: Where mommy?
Mommy: Wendy's!!!
Pavel: Holy F-ck Mom! Are you kidding me?!??!?!?!?!??!?!

Our potty training woes are nearly gone. What a relief. It's so strange.. one day something just clicked in his head. Like he decided he was going to grow up all in one week. Potty training, starting school and sleeping in his big boy bed.

It was added stress for me, sure, but he's quite proud of himself. Which he should be.

I'm so lucky too that I haven't had one issue with him sleeping in his big bed. He hasn't tried to escape it once. I tell him to go to sleep and he does. We are so lucky to have a good sleeper on our hands! Well, not all luck - I worked hard to make that happen!

Although this post doesn't sound like it, I do feel like we're starting to hit a stride. Getting used to our school routine (school post to come, so much to say!), sleeping more, loving being brothers more..

It's coming.


Daddy and Baby Sash on Thanksgiving

No comments: