Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Feeling Sad

I feel sad. The last few weeks have been some crazy good ups.. and also some normal lows.

Tonight I stumbled upon the blog of a lady who lost her four year old son.

Why read it you ask? Why put yourself through emotional turmoil and not just glaze over and pretend that life is all pretty, and sweet and rainbows and happiness?

I don't know. Because life isn't?

It's scary as you get older and you love more people.

I have a great life. I'm very blessed. Perfect little boys, a hubby who adores my quirks. A lot of opportunity, a lot of hard work, healthy family.. mostly healthy friends, excitement, gratification..

But am I the only one who thinks that it can't stay this good? Something's got to give?

There have been some great hardships and sorrow in friend's lives lately. As you accumulate more love, it leaves you more vulnerable to life's unfair challenges.

No one will ever know why our paths have been chosen for us. Tomorrow, it could all change - for better.. for worse.

I make sure I am thankful every day. I am thankful for my angel. He watches over me and my family. Keeps me safe. Gives me comfort.

Keeps us safe, gives us comfort.



Erin said...

Hi Jenny,

You may not remember me but we worked together at the Oilers/Capitals for a few months in 2009 when we were both pregnant. I had my son, Blake, in July of that year and you had Pavel later that fall. One of my coworkers passed on the link to your blog and I have enjoyed reading it over the last three years. I had another little boy too last summer but unfortunately, he was born at only 26 weeks and lived for only one week. While at times I have found it sad to read about Pavel and Sasha being brothers - as it is something I wish Blake could be experiencing - I find it encouraging to know that I am not the only mom out there who worries about whether or not she is doing a good job. I can relate very much to many of the frustrations and worries you express in your blogs and it is a nice reminder to know that I am not the only one feeling that way. Having a three year old is HARD! I sometimes feel guilty saying that because I know it would be much harder with two and I wish every day that was my reality. But the truth is, it is hard - and wonderful! Enjoy your boys - they are adoreable. And thanks for your "mom" honesty.

Jenny Adams said...

Hey Erin.. Of course I remember you!

I'm so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you and your family.. I just can't imagine that pain.

Thanks for reading.. and for sharing your honest feelings. Sending a giant bear hug through the internet.

If moms can't be here for each other - where would we be? I'm always here to chat..


Cheryl said...

I do the same thing. Read awful stories through teary eyes with my hand clutching my mouth. I can't not read about mind-numbingly horrible events like that at the Pittsburg zoo.
I also agree that as we have more to love we have more to lose and that's SCARY.
In addition I find myself taking way fewer risks since the thought of my babes growing up without a mother makes my stomach turn.
Thanks for sharing, I love finding blogs of Mamas who I relate to.