Saturday, August 18, 2012

Round Two - Four Weeks in

One month old little Sasha! Happy birthday!

This has been the slowest month in the history of my life I think.

Adjusting, adjusting adjusting.

We have good days and we have not so good days. Some nights we sleep, some we don't. Some days we have two crying boys all day long and some days we have peace and fun and less stress.

All par for the course.

Wasn't it me who just a few short months ago said.. Two kids, how can it be that hard. I really don't understand how mom's don't have time to shower.

Why, why did I jinx myself. It's a GOOD day if I have time to shower after Sheldon has left for work.
In fact, we know it's been a good night if I get up before the family and run out on a coffee run. All of a sudden 5 hours (combined) of sleep one night makes you feel like a new woman.. you get your hopes up that life is on it's way back to normal!

It isn't. Not quite yet.

There are so many things I forgot about this stage with a little one.

I love nursing. No more pain now. Well, let me back up, there are things about nursing I really don't love - aka leaky boobs day and night, on the floor, on your feet, through your shirt (while you are grocery shopping and not noticing until you get home and look in the mirror. Sweet) etc.

What I love about it is the closeness to my little baby Sasha. How he rests his free arm on my chest, with those little fingers just waiting to be kissed. How he'll be in a slumber while feeding and quickly open up his little peepers just to make sure mommy is still there with him.
How he'll fall asleep and snuggle me and knows when I slip away and replace my body with a pillow or blanket.
It's just such an amazing way to bond.

Speaking of bonding.. it's been different this time. I will admit with Pavel, it happened instantly. With Sasha, not quite. The first few days I was so so in love.. and continued to be, but as I got sick for about that week and a half, I do think I was affected by the four different medicines I was on. It wasn't as enjoyable, I felt like a robot going through the motions..
You read often that mother's don't bond instantly with their little ones.. but you can't imagine the guilt you feel until it happens to you.

I'm happy to report that love bubbles are bursting all around us now (and not that I never loved you little Sasha.. I loved you from the moment I met you), but now we are starting to enjoy each other. And we are getting into a routine.

There certainly aren't as many picture with baby number 2. Everyone tells you that will happen too. Every shot looks exactly the same! Sleeping. We are getting more awake time now.. some great photos to come.

Just like Pavel, Sasha cries. I don't think quite as bad as Pavel was.. and we aren't into full on colic by any means (you mothers with colicy babies.. bless bless bless you). Because we recognize some signs with #2 we probably didn't know how to see with #1, I think we've minimized the fussing. I know the signs for when he needs to sleep. I have white noise with me EVERYWHERE. I have his bassinet on an angle, he's always swaddled for night time.
Still, when he's awake, he fusses. Maybe 30 mins of happy awake time a day.
(Pavel has learned to walk around with his hands on his ears.. good idea kid, I'll take your lead)

Sasha, so you and I both remember.. this is your own personalized lullaby that mommy very creatively wrote for you. (All my lullabies are made up.. not sure why)

Don't cry, don't you cry.. don't you cry my sweetie pie
Don't cry, don't you cry.. don't you cry my sweetie pie
I love you more than you'll ever know, I love you from your head to your toes
I love you to the moon and back.. I love you and your hairy back (It's VERY hairy..)

And Repeat.

Yes, I'm quite talented and original I know.
Swing.. and Cry

And how is big brother doing you ask? Well, he loves his little brother. He's protective, he loves to introduce him to people, he calls him baby Sashy. He loves to wake him up and poke him in the face and try and play catch with him too.. sigh.

All in all, he's been pretty good, but now I see the jealousy happening more and more. Especially now that my mom is back at work and he's really second on the list of attention right now. He doesn't listen very well, AT ALL. He's starting being more aggressive and being MUCH louder. Perhaps trying to out scream Sasha?
He's more jealous of Sasha and daddy for sure. As soon as daddy gets home he's all over him. Climbing, pulling his shirt, throwing balls at him.. this is all new behaviour.

To be honest, when it's just me with the two boys, he's really pretty good. We have very good days together, but there are definitely moments that mommy's lost her temper a little and raised my voice (which I hate doing) or just started crying myself.

Two kids is... a lot of work.

He still doesn't want to hold him. He kisses Sasha a lot. He's happy to be a brother, that's obvious and what a relief.

Little Sasha, happy birthday my love. At your 2 week appointment, you were already 8 pounds 14 ounces. There is a pretty good chance you may be a red head. Definitely red on your head right now.. mixed with brown. You are so close to smiling! I think you may have given me one or two, but I want to be sure before I officially officially announce to the world (Facebook) your first milestone.. You are such a sweet Prince.


Sometimes they look so much alike.. and sometimes.. not so much!

Friday, August 3, 2012

Joy and Pain...

Or maybe the title  should read: PAIN, HOLY F*#%$ THIS HURTS SO BAD PAIN then Joy.. and more pain with a lot of joy mixed in and pain and pain and great.. once again pain.

Wow. The last 2 weeks have gone by at a snail's pace! I can't believe my little man hasn't even been here for 2 weeks yet. It's time for life to pick up and get back to normal speed.. and health!

Here is the most recent breakdown of events in the Pietrzykowski family

July 20, 2012 - My Due Date
Officially pouting because I'm still huge, no baby yet and the hospital is too full for any inductions for at least a week. Really, not the end of the world, but am just a little disappointed. So I drop of Pavel at his friend's house and head out for a mani/pedi. Enjoy a great day of normal life.. clean the kitchen like no one's business and spend the night reading.

July 20, 2012 - 11pm
Hubby comes in to tell me he's off to get donairs with a friend, only to return 30 mins later to inform me that I have a flat tire on my vehicle!!!! Damn screw from the construction around here (let's not get into the fact that the tire is $1000 to replace.. WHAT!?!) He's annoyed.

July 21, 2012 - 12:20am
I'm reading. The baby is doing weird things in my tummy. Ouch, WHAT is THAT!? Why is he moving so oddly. OUCH!
So as these weird movements continue on, I think.. maybe these are real contractions ? (With Pavel I was induced and felt contractions for all of 20 minutes at only 2cm dilated) I start timing. 5 mins apart, 4.5 mins apart, 4 mins apart.. ouch ouch ouch.
Meanwhile, there's a thunderstorm and now Pavel has moved into our bed and is giving us a play by play on the 'boon boons' as he calls thunder.
At this point I haven't told Sheldon about these possible contractions I'm having, but after nearly an hour, I start crying.
'Sheldon, we have to go I think' He's instantly up out of bed, running downstairs to the flat tire car to change the car seats into the car with no flat tire.. damn screw!

I always wanted to know what a spontaneous labour would feel like. To have that movie moment where I scream, honey my water broke! It's time!

I sure did get that.. almost.

July 21, 2012 1:15 am
I'm trying to get dressed through contractions. I can't stand up. I can't talk.. I'm crying.

Mommy, deep breath, deep breath. Remember mommy, daddy said NO CRYING. No Crying!
(Note to self: Anything you say to your 2 year old will be repeated back to you at some point and will seeing overwhelmingly cute and annoying at the same time.)

Mommy, where are we going? Are we going on a picnic? A PICNIC! Yeah!!
Mommy.. will Santa be there? Yeah Santa! He likes cookies mommy, and the reindeer! They need carrots and broccoli... and ice cream! They like ice cream mommy...

While this constant one-sided conversation is taking place, I am walking around packing random items until a contraction hits.. at that point I'm telling Pavel things like.. yes, sure, grab some ice cream out of the freezer. Put it in the bag. Yes, reindeer love ice cream. While bent over at a 90 degree angle throwing the odd 'Ouch ouch ouch' in between our cheery holiday chat.

July 21, 2012 1:25am
We are off to the hospital. I am in PAIN. This was not in the plan, this pain thing. My last labour I had the epidural so early.. it was a walk in the park. No one warned me that labour actually... hurts.
Pavel is with us, just until Sheldon's parents can pick him up at the Grey Nuns when we get there. The perfect interception.

July 21, 2012 1:50am
Finally in triage, finally changed, laying on the bed.. the nurse comes by:

So Jenny, what's going on?

Hmmm.. I'm not trying to be rude but I'm lying here screaming in pain every 1.5 minutes or so, scaring the crap out of all the poor husbands sitting next to their wives who seem to be relaxing in their beds like this is a spa or something. UMMMMM I THINK I'M IN LABOUR!!!!!!!!

(At this point, I realize real labour makes a lady a litttttle testy.)

Of course I didn't say that. I said:

Uh, I think I'm having contractions.

She decides to check me, just to be sure they'll keep me and not send me home (????)

'Okay,' she says a little surprised 'Your 6 cm dilated, how fast was your first labour?'

I tell her 4 hours after the induction process kicked in.

'Okay!' a little more excitedly now, 'Time to get you to a room!'

More like time to get me drugs lady.

I have to say, my nurse was wonderful. I was actually polite, believe it or not. Unless, of course, you call screaming 'I'm f*cked I'm f*cked I'm f*cked I'm f*cked' on repeat when she checked me 20 mins later and I was an 8.5 and the doc with all the good drugs was in a c-section for the next 45 MINUTES. Or when I looked her deep in the eyes and said calmly in a creepy voice:


There was a lot of yelling. Wow, labour HURTS. I did finally get the epidural and 30 minutes later, after two contractions of pushing, our little man was born.

I told Sheldon to remind me that if one day I say out loud.. oh, I was already at 8.5, I totally could have made it the whole way without drugs.. I COULDN'T HAVE. Not a chance.

July 21, 2012 3:38 am
Little 'What are we going to name him???" enters the world. They put him on my chest for almost the next hour and we snuggle, take pictures and share intimate moments of joy.. a little secret, that only Sheldon and I know about. We have a second son. He is beautiful. He looks a lot like his older brother did. He has so much hair. He's so precious.

But what is his name?

This entire pregnancy, there has not been one name that has stuck with me.. except Sasha. For those of you who don't know, Sasha is actually a masculine name that is derived from it's longer form - Alexander. Only once it came to North America did it flip to a feminine name.

Sheldon liked Sasha too, but wanted him to have a more masculine first name, in case he hated it growing up. Problem being, we both weren't 'Alex' fans.

Not to mention, I wanted there to be a family name from my side so bad. There just wasn't anything that went with Pietrzykowski. It was a struggle this name thing, and to be honest, still kind of is.

Jozef Sasha Pietrzykowski - Our Compromise
Both Sheldon and my grandfather's had the first name Joseph. It seemed to be the best option that solved all our dilemmas. Sheldon loves the name.. I'm luke warm.

To be honest, he'll always be my Sasha. I call him Sasha, Pavel calls him baby Sasha.. it's my right as his mommy to call him by his middle name.. and I will do that.

This post is getting way too long, so quickly.. the rest of the pain.

Unfortunately, we had some minor setbacks... and luckily, they were almost all with me and not my little guy.

Jozef had a quick trip to the Stollery after puking up mucusy blood for a day when he was four days old. They didn't seem as concerned as us.

One week after Jozef was born, I woke with the worst body aches and a fever of 103.6. I couldn't get out of bed. I could barely talk. My breast was rock hard and hot. I googled my symptoms and knew before I called the nurse - Mastitis. An infection in the milk ducts from getting clogged. Crap. Started anti biotics.

The next day.. without the gross details, had to head to emergency and have an ultra sound to determine my placenta had not been fully delivered and was causing me problems. After a visit with my Ob, two more prescriptions were given with a hope I wouldn't need a D & C (Google it if you really want to know).

After starting to feel like a normal person again.. on Wednesday night, fever is back over 103 and turns out the Mastitis is stronger than we thought.. back to the doctor, more drugs. Mommy is feeling terrible again.

Today.. I hope is shaping up better. I'm feeling pretty good. Excited about our new life. Excited to stop feeling like a robot all hopped up on drugs, who seems to be just going through the motions. Surprisingly though, the baby blues have not been a part of my experience the second time around, which is a wonderful blessing.

So is the fact that Jozef was back to birth weight the night we went to the Stollery and now sleeps 4-6 hour stretches at night. I am NOT waking him. I will pump if I have to, but I'm letting this guy get used to a great night's sleep!

Lastly, I just want to say how absolutely floored my family has been by the support of our 'community'. We have had so much love from you all.. from kind words on Facebook and Twitter, to surprise packages showing up at our doors.. to understanding why we can't have visitors quite yet.

Of course.. ever so thankful to have my mommy here. Life saver.

I've heard it takes a village to raise a child all my life.. and I've never really known the importance of that until these last two weeks. Thank you all so so so much. Thank you.


Oh wait.. this is the last lastly.. I can I just say how having a baby and needing to be taken care of by your hubby makes you realize just how awesome of a man you have? I fall more in love with this guy each day. He's such a wonderful father, and he loves me so much. I don't know how I could be without him.

Pavel LOVES baby Sasha

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