Tuesday, June 11, 2013

A Decision Has Been Made

This one has really bothered me. It's been weighing on my mind for weeks or months even.

I'm not sure why, as I know in the grand scheme of things, it's not a big one.. but I'm still struggling with it.

Pavel, I want you to know, that today I made a decision that was best for the family. I think it may even be best for you, although it doesn't seem like it right now. On this very day, our hearts are broken.. time is moving on.

Play School. Yes, this heart ache and agony is over play school. The one that, this time last year, we were so excited we had got a spot within the school. The one that, this time last year, we couldn't wait to go with one of our good little buddies and his mom. The school that forced me to potty train Pavel in just a few days, or face expulsion. This school treated us to Pavel's first day of school.. With his new backpack, and his outfit all picked out.

Pavel, you were so brave that first day of school. There have been days you haven't wanted to go to school, and there were days I wasn't sure if you had any friends to play with.. but you've thrived. And you are sad. You didn't cry.. although you wanted to, when mommy broke the news to you today that a final decision had been made. I think you will miss Mrs. Reinhart and your lessons so very much. (Did I mention I was crying???)

Montessori - This school has strict rules, and sees me often getting in trouble for lace up shoes, or not practising enough putting our belongings away without mom's help. The school that taught Pavel Swahili, about extinction, about Jackson Pollock, and how to sing and drum and dance.. and do yoga.

Pavel was just 2.5 when he started going to this school. And now he is 3.5. A whole year, gone by. Perhaps this is what is bothering me more than the school.. Our first school experience  it's in the books. Time to move on.


Okay now, here are the numbers and sense behind the new decision, so when I read this years from now.. I'm reminded why it made sense.

Pavel's current school is changing to five days a week next year. From 1215pm - 255pm. $560/month. Yes, that's almost $6000/year for play school.. and not even full time!
My company is thriving, I just can not pick him up and drop him off everyday. It doesn't make sense. It also doesn't make sense for me to hire a driver. We're getting crazy now.

There is a program at the rec centre through the Catholic School Board - 100 Voices. It's supposed to be fantastic. There will be swimming and playing in the gym and going outside as well as learning.
This is four days a week.. and MUCH less money.

That and, the nanny can pick him up and drop him off within ten mins (direct) on the bus. This really helps out our family a lot.. This means I can be home for the day by 2 or 3 instead of having to interrupt my day and then go back to work until 5pm.

It's also a chance for Sasha to get out of the house, to take a class at the rec centre, play with other kids.

So there you have it. The decision. I feel heartbroken today that I can't give Pavel what he wants, what he thinks he needs. I know that a new routine and schedule will comfort him once we get used to it. I know that Pavel has his whole life to learn Swahili and yoga, and painting. I also realize that this will be the first of many choices we'll have to make.. for the good of our family, and not just for one individual.

Way to go buddy. Mommy is so very proud of you. You are such a gentle boy, learning your way with new friends. You've taught me so much this year and I couldn't be more proud of you.

One year down, 13 to go. xo



Cheryl West-Hicks said...

Oh Mama, I teared up a little reading that.
I don't know you personally or your little guy but I could feel your struggle and how desperately you want him to be happy.
It sounds as though this decision will be so positive!
What lucky kids you have.

Jenny Adams said...

Thank you for your comment!! I am so so sorry that I didn't see this until now. I appreciate the support! Ugh.. who knew these things would be so stressful!