Sasha. My little buddy. Today you are an entire year old. I think back at how quickly the time went, but yet at the same time, how slow.
Child, you have not been a walk in the park, you have some high maintenance tendencies, but I love you for each one of them.
Will you EAT Already??
Because you knew I was looking forward to getting back to work and "real life" after you were born, you decided that you wouldn't take a bottle - pretty much ever. We still haven't found one that you'll suck back more than a 1/4 of an ounce without being force fed.
I did try to introduce formula a few months after you were born (four, I think) but, no, you weren't having it. In fact, you didn't even really like solid food on most days, and never took to purees. It made for a stressed out mommy - you only wanted me.
Over time, you've come to eat more and some days not more, but you seem to be doing okay! At least you've stopped starving yourself all day while I'm at work, and staying up all night to eat! (about a month ago!)
Would you GROW Already?
Little buddy, you still aren't yet at 20 pounds! What's going on here? Your ped says you'll sprout up around a year and a half. We will see! You do think you are a big boy though, and long to be part of their club anytime we have other kids over to play. You stare, and look, and clap, and squeal - all from the sidelines, wishing you could run over and join in!
Perhaps You Won't Walk Ever?
All kids grow at their own pace and hit their milestones when they will. You started walking (holding hands) MONTHS ago, possibly 7 months? You've been able to take a few steps for at least two months now, you can actually go up to 7 without sitting down or falling - but that's it! No more steps for you.. it's way more fun to...
Yes, the very impressive baby flop! It's your ultimate favourite thing to do. It starts with you standing up slowly, slowly and looking us right in the eyes. You then will raise your hands to the sky, and when we don't think you can keep your balance for a second longer - you do - AND THEN.... BABY FLOP!! Usually right onto mom, or onto the bed, or pillow, or lately, the side of the couch, which hurts. Ouch. You're hilarious kid.
If there is anything typical about second children, it's that you aren't talking quite so much yet! You do say mama and dada and hi, and perhaps "all done", but that's that. That's okay though, that's actually pretty good! I take the full on blame for not reading to you nearly as much as we were able to read to Pavel when he was young. You do love books though, and especially when mom makes cow and pig noises! You think they're pretty funny!
Well, what I discovered on our recent vacation (post to come), is that you, Mr., do not like to be away from home! Wow. I learned the hard way. You cried, and cried, and nursed day and night, and were breathing so heavy I thought you were going to pass out. The SECOND we came home and I put you in our front entrance, you started laughing, squealing and eating! I haven't seen you this happy in your entire life. Ever since we got home!
Pavel said to me the other day "Mom, I just love having a brother, he's so cute mom. SO cute! I love just like, looking at him in his crib. I love him"
Pav loves you little Sash. Your dad and I pretend to be mad when we come up to your (shared) room and see that Pavel has climbed into your crib, along with every toy in the room and is showing you a movie on the iPad, but it secretly melts our hearts. He's just keeping you company, in case you were scared. Or perhaps you both can't sleep, or you're hot, or the sun hasn't gone down yet mom! And the way you look at him with your big blue eyes. I'm so glad you have each other.
Now, please learn how to share?
Nana says you're a thinker. I do like to analyze a situation, take it all in. I wonder what's going on in that head of yours.. I wonder.
Notes from mom:
I really feel like an idiot. I hadn't a clue just what they meant when they said no two kids are alike. I'm constantly surprised that I am surprised just how different Sasha is to how Pavel was. I won't lie, for me, this was a tough year. Going from one child, where you can give all your attention too, to two, was and is tough.
I was really upset at the beginning and before Sasha came, not knowing how to incorporate him into the bond that Pavel and I had. It was hard at first, there was a lot of crying (still is) and it's not like I could ever put Sasha down and have him just chill. He has always needed me and Pavel has got pushed aside. I often wonder how I could produce a child who not ONCE has slept anywhere but in a bed or the car. Why couldn't I be lucky and take him to a restaurant and he'd just fall asleep like so many other babies!
I'm currently wondering how I will wean him. I feed him only twice a day now, but since he has never taken a soother, he uses me for comfort too. I'm off on a girl's trip in two weeks though, so I need to figure something out fast.
I actually do think I will be sad. I've wanted to be done for months, and now I'm sad - of course I am! (typical girl!) I have such a bond with Sasha. A different one than I did with Pav - of equal strength, just different.
Sasha is a MOMMA's boy. He LOVES me. He loves to snuggle me. He wants me first. I love this. I don't care if it's just because I have milk jugs to share, I will take it! My little buddy loves his mama!
I worry that I have let Sasha cry too much. I mean, I didn't leave him alone to cry and cry by any means, but I really don't think I let Pavel cry.. at all. I just didn't have a choice with Sasha. Sometimes, there is nothing you can do and holding him doesn't make it better. I had to help Pavel, or answer the door, or have a shower! I hope I didn't ruin my sweet boy. It's okay...right?
We just can't remember our life without Sasha in it. This last year was a lot of work but worth every single second. I just love having a family of four. I love the different dynamic, I love the brothers being boys, I love that we get to watch two children grow and try to help shape them (without losing our minds - hopefully!) I even kind of am considering a third - one day many many many days from now!
Sometimes Sasha, I sneak into your room and pick you up out of bed, just to breath you in for a few snuggles. You rest your head on my shoulder, and for a few minutes I enjoy the pure bliss - until you arch your neck back.. your way of telling me your ready to be put back in bed.
Happy Birthday little one, thank you for showing me an even greater love than I already knew. I really didn't know that my heart could grow like this. We are so lucky to have you.